im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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