It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
