pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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