I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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