I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
