You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
