One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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