So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
