How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize