Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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