My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
