Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
