I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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