Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
