Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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