How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
