so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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