Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
