I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
