Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
