Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
