I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
