I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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