Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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