I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
