why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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