Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize