I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
