Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
