My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
