Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
