I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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