my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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