i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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