my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
