based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
