i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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