Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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