This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
