I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
