Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
