Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
