Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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