An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
