Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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