just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
