Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
