2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
