what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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