so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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