i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
