how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I am morally bankrupt
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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