I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
