fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
