I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
