Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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