There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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