Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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