So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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