apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
