I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
