How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
