Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
