apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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