what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
