Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
