there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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