in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
