I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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