Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
