Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
