I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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