I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
